Anonymous
I'm having a bad day, could you tell me a joke please? Also I think you're a cutie even with you're new haircut~

zubat:

  1. What did the chickpea say when she had a stomach ache? “I falafel!”
  2. Why does a chicken coop only have 2 doors? Because if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.
  3. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.
  4. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
  5. Why did the A go to the bathroom and come out as an E? Because he had a vowel movement.

Thank you, and I hope you feel better soon!

rinthedrowpriestess:

sometimes I get really stressed out because my body doesn’t match society’s expectations of beauty and sex appeal

and one night I was complaining about it to my sister and she said

"It’s not very punk rock to meet society’s expectations"

I think she changed my life

(via keepingconnection)

hotboyproblems:

ways to give me anxiety:

  1. sit next to me while im on the computer
  2. say “i need to talk to you”
  3. read my messages and dont reply

(via uswntmusicwolff)

soufflesandbowties:

50% of my jokes are self deprecating and 50% are self congratulatory like i’ll say “wow its hot in here…. just like me” and 5 seconds later point at a trash can and say “me”

(via we-cant-always-stay-strong)

THE POWER FLICKERED THREE TIMES

jakeenglish:

theskiesabovelife:

jakeenglish:

IF WE LOSE POWER I’M QUITTING

JUST GIVE ME 20 FUCKIN MINUTES FOR MY CHICKEN NUGGETS TO COOK PLEASE

please

(vegan) I hope your power runs out 

thats fuckin nice and all but the chicken is already in the nuggets. the power going out doesn’t save a chicken. it’s a nugget already. sorry

(Source: lalna, via letyourgracefallallovertheplace)

rexuality:

I hate being told to do something I was already planning on doing

like I was all about doing this task, and then you told me to do it and now i am annoyed and this task is now 300x less likely to be completed

(via phoenix)

spoken-not-written:

SINCE MY GRANDMA WORKS IN A CLINIC SUPPORTING PEOPLE WITH AIDS/HIV I ASKED HER TO GET ME SOME CONDOMS JUST CAUSE I DON’T HAVE ANY AND SHE FUCKING COMES BACK WITH A WHOLE BOX

image

thanks grandma

(via letyourgracefallallovertheplace)